Later, the Cuban art critic Gerardo Mosquera took the term for an essay about problems of cultural communication. Based on this I organized a symposium in Berlin in 1995 with the title: The Marco Polo Syndrome. Problems of intercultural communication in art theory and curatorial practice.

More about, please see: http://universes-in-universe.de/magazin/marco-polo/english.htm

I’m the youngest foreigner I’ve seen so far, and being called a baby at work” all the time in the office makes me feel like the youngest foreigner to ever enter China.

All the locals here first ask how old I am, then ask why I’m studying, then ask why in the world I’m working when I am so young instead of teaching English!

My work background makes me interesting because I think I am the youngest “obvious” foreigner to ever come to China for work. This really confuses the older business folk at my hotel who like to think that I must be teaching english, because no one my age has a right to work in China. Ohh man, I get shock from both the laowai and the locals no matter where I go.

You are a classic, man!!

Back home, ensconced in his duct-taped la-z-boy, Diaz applied the empirical methods of Spinoza, and aided by several snifters of Cutty Sark, rapidly deduced the matter.

Aloofness springs from insecurity, and hostility from fear. He reasoned that, having no knowledge of his extensive criminal record [or subsequent fully paid debt to society], these mamalukes could not be reacting to him, but rather to the fact that he too was a foreigner. He knew that in America, strange birds of a feather, particularly Asian, bonded like Bloods caught on Crip turf, nahm sayin’? Why would big-noses in China actively avoid each other? The recent coverage of MPS by the good people at Sinosplice and Shen Zhen Ren means that there’s enough awareness of MPS to merit clinical explication.

Early Symptoms of MPS

Early symptoms of MPS strike first-time visitors to China, and are usually only temporary for those of sound mind and character. Particularly at risk are Americans who refer to Asians as “Orientals”, or God forbid, “Yallers” [only in the South]. Symptoms may include but are not limited to:

Standing in the middle of bustling Chinese commercial centers and shaking one’s head in wonderment at the inevitable McDonald’s and KFCs. Uncontrolled yelling and gesticulating on encountering stalls full of Chairman Mao alarm clocks and red-star army caps. Communicative Aphasia, manifested by shouting English in the mistaken belief that increased volume can bridge the language gap. Selective diminution of the ego, manifested by gladly undergoing various humiliations in order to hit it off with “the natives”. Maniacal euphoria at riding a crowded Chinese subway/bus, followed by profound dismay on noticing a fellow foreigner who is completely unmoved by the environment. An OCD fetish for buying and donning all manner of unsightly hiking clothes, bags, and boots, more suited to an exploration of the Yukon than the two kilometer stroll from one’s hotel to Wangfujing Street. Chronic MPS

Sadly, the Institute of Recent Studies has found that one in three long-term visitors to China develop chronic MPS. Signs of chronic MPS include:

Depraved ogling of a fellow foreigner’s Chinese girlfriend/wife, while walking about with one’s own Chinese girlfriend/wife, followed by a pronounced slump of the shoulders if the other Cg/w is perceived to be ‘hotter’. A cocky strut denotes that the MPS sufferer has concluded his Cg/w is ‘hotter’. A compulsion to speak sub-standard Chinese at street-hawker decibel levels, followed by rage and shame when the Chinese listener doesn’t understand, or even worse, when corrected by another foreigner. Practiced cunning in surreptitiously determining other foreigners’ “time in”. A condescending smirk follows an evaluation of having served in China longer; a studied indifference follows an evaluation to the contrary. An irresistible urge to one-up any and all anecdotes by other foreigners wishing to show that they, too, have been “in the bush”. Selective public blindness to other non-Chinese, to the extent of not noticing one if they were the only two people in Tiananmen Square, and the other foreigner was copping a squat in full Pennywise clown gear. Will There Ever Be a Rainbow?

Currently, there is no cure for MPS. However, we here at the China Expat Foreign Pathology Center are working day and night to help jabroneys across China who suffer this cruel affliction. We depend on your generosity to keep hope alive. Won’t you give? For what you spend in a ‘hair salon’ each Friday night, you can help that poor jerkwad sitting with his laptop at Starbucks, glaring at you for de-Chinafying his environment.

Pink Notes or Money Transfers only: make payable to Ernie “el Guapo” Diaz c/o China Expat.

Email: Ernie (at) Chinaexpat (dot) com Phone: (86) 10-5979-6677 ext. 503 Website: http://www.ChinaExpat.com China Expat Magazine

 Ernie Diaz’ Bio

Ernie Diaz arrived in Beijing back in 2003, and hasn’t stopped coughing since. A self-professed China amateur, he embraces writing as a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia.

Gosh I hate those people.

First of all, I am one of those businessmen in China (Beijing) but I don’t consider myself an asshole. I speak Chinese, my friends here are almost all Chinese, and I have adjusted quite well to the culture. I also speak Chinese well. Many of my Chinese friends can’t speak English.

As for the freaky foreigners living in China? Well I would say that they make up well over fifty percent of the foreigners here. That’s why I generally avoid foreigners in China.

I don’t see why anyone has a moral obligation to nod and smile at another foreigner. I think people who say that are talking about white people. What about the Japanese, Koreans, and South East Asians here-should I smile at them too?

I actually think that the business people that live and work in China are among the nicest foreigners here. In order to do well here, we must understand the language, culture, and have relationships with many Chinese people.

It baffles me that a foreigner can have a hard time in Beijing. All you need to do is smile, speak some Chinese, and be a nice person, and Chinese people will treat you like gold. Its very easy for a foreigner to make Chinese friends here.

So next time you see a guy in a suit, don’t assume he’s a jerk. Some of us give foreigners a very good name.