V-Day Chinese Mail Order Brides!

14 Feb 2006

Just in time for Valentine’s Day, direct shipping service of Chinese mail order brides has recently become avilable. Not only do they ship right to your door, but they arrive wearing the traditional qipao (旗袍). The clear shipping case ensures a few jealous looks from your neighbors as the delivery man sidles up to your door.

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I for one applaud this all-out embrace of ultra-commercialized holidays. Not only do I love the over-priced Valentine’s Day rose bouquets, chocolate sets, and dinner deals that have become so common in Shanghai, but I love the Valentine’s Day mail order bride concept, which, for me, represents the ultimate in commercialized romance.

I think the shipping option pictured above may be a bit expensive, but here’s an insider tip: come live in China, and you save big on postage!

Even if you end up paying a lot in postage, remember: mail order brides are to be loved. Don’t abuse them.

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John Pasden

John is a Shanghai-based linguist and entrepreneur, founder of AllSet Learning.

Comments

  1. That looks like a very male fantasy of the form “abuse” might take…

    My biggest question is (based on the highly prejudiced and racially stereotyped scene from the movie: Priscilla – Queen of the Desert), does she shoot ping pong balls? That film definitely set the standard in mail order brides for me.

    P.S. Great film if anyone hasn’t seen it. Terence Stamp as an aging trannie. Can’t beat it.

  2. Phil,

    Heh… I guess a bizarre post deserves bizarre responses.

    On second look, the woman in the picture might not be wearing a qipao at all. Or if she is, she’s also wearing some kind of cloth on top of it. Whatever.

  3. Maybe they can make this service like a car dealership. You can trade in your current one for a newer model!!!

  4. In case you’ve not seen the movie I mentioned earlier… there is a scene where the three main protagonists stop off in a rural community in outback Australia and cross paths with an aging gent and his somewhat vulgar Thai mail order bride, who is massively popular with the local bogan crowd due to her propensity for leaping up on the bar at the local watering hole and performing the legendary “firing table tennis balls out of the vagina” trick.

    Still doesn’t make my original comment any less bizarre, but somehow or other it made sense to post it at the time.

    Apologies for lowering the tone somewhat from the recent “Inherent Human Worth” high.

    P.S. i think your mail order bride looks like she’s still packaged up from the dry cleaners…

  5. Greg Pasden Says: February 15, 2006 at 7:45 am

    John,

    Do they Ship via UPS Nest Day Air? What kind of warranty do you get? Are there any special options as well? What is the telephone number so I can order today?

    Just kidding (except that shipping via UPS Next Day Air is much better and safer than FedEx).
    Your Post is very funny though.
    Greg

  6. the the ugly truth is finally
    out, john. you’re really in china
    to save on postage!!! 8)

  7. What a biting comment, Cyn – it think it is the wittiest so far 🙂

  8. Reminds me of the article I read about a guy in Canada who built himself a robot “wife”. IIRC it was in the SUN and the guys name was Le Trung. The big laugh was that “she” had pressure senors in her head and body. If you squeezed her too hard she’d take a swing at you. Also if you made an off color remark that her data base recognized she’d call you on it…….So much for the first law of robotics and the passive robot wife.

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