Sunday, December 21, 2003
Brief Overview of Hangzhou's Nightspots
For me, Hangzhou is a lot like the bed Goldilocks slept in. Not too big (like Shanghai) and not too small (like any of the innumerable small villages throughout China...for example Wuzhen) There are a great deal of clubs and bars that stay open as long as you're drinking (last calls be damned!), and streetfood vendors abound with delicious finger foods that help soak up the excess alcohol your liver can't process. Anyone visiting this city, who enjoys the nightlife, will have no problem indulging their desires for dance, drink, and all the other saturnalias activities you enjoy that make you all filthy sinners. However, for those of us who live here, a little circumspection goes a long way in finding establishments worth visiting on a regular basis. Of the many clubs, bars, and pubs in Hangzhou there are few I would patronize on a regular basis so having said that I will give you my rundown and evaluation of the night spots worth visiting in this scenic city (also my evaluations of some places that just flat out suck.)
Nanshan Lu ("Lu" means road)
Nanshan Lu is to Hangzhou what Maoming Lu is to Shanghai. It is a trendy stretch of road that fringes the shores of West Lake in neon chic. There is no shortage of bars and clubs on this stretch of road and your options are seemingly endless (if you're a backpacker in Hangzhou for a few days.) If you've lived here for more than a week you will begin to realize that 90% of all the bars, lounges, discos, watering holes, taphouses, rum-mills, cantinas, saloons, speakeasies, taverns, and groggeries are all more or less the same: a writhing stew of rhythmically challanged, unattractive, horny, white males looking for petite, comely Chinese girls looking to bag themselves a sugar daddy. It's life unscripted (TLC please don't sue) with bad house music providing the soundtrack. Initially, I observed this social milieu with the same interest an ornithologist might bestow upon the discovery of a new sub-species of puffin, but this sociological curiosity soon gave way to wanton disgust. When I go out I want to relax, not bear witness to a bunch of over-weight, goateed, Land's End wearing crackers and greasy Euro-trash as they gyrate and slobber all over the daughter's of the Middle Kingdom. So what I'm trying to say is that I don't go to a lot of clubs on Nanshan Lu.
The List (not yet complete, actually far from complete):
Absolute House: Absolute shit.
Aerospace: Aerospace is a lot like Todd Oldham. Todd Oldham was once a well-respected, internationally renowned fashion designer. Now he hocks an uninspired line of pastel hampers and place settings at Target.
House Bar: Located on a side street of Nanshan Lu. House Bar offers reasonably priced drinks that are in all honesty poorly concocted (my gin and tonics have never shown a sign of carbonation or a lime but for around 15 kuai who cares?). Decked out in an eye pleasing black and red color scheme House Bar's first floor caters to deaf patrons, or at least I think they do because they play their shitty dance music and a tympanum rupturing volume. I suggest sitting upstairs where the music is not quite as loud. It's worth a look.
Kana's Pub (recommended): Hands down the best nightspot on Nanshan Lu. Kana's Pub offers excellent drinks (the best shots in town) at reasonable prices. The attentive wait staff is always there to help and most of them speak English for those of you too lazy to learn Chinese. There is a live band that gets your toes a tapping before the DJs come on and play a wide range of rap, R&B, hip hop and funk that keeps you dancing all night. I love the Jackson Five and early Michael Jackson and this is the only place I've heard it played. The atmosphere and decor is warm and relaxing as is the pub's owner, Kana. Kana is a wonderful man who welcomes you into his establishment and makes you feel at home. In return he asks only one thing from his patrons and that is to have fun. Of all the places I've been on Nanshan Lu, Kana's is the place I feel most comfortable. Leave the pretentious egos at the door and just chill. Check out my archives for more on Kana's Pub.
Night & Day Cafe: This place is more for the older crowd. Late thirties and above. Their salsa nights are fun as is the live music. Their drink prices are kind of steep but you can keep the price down with a little pre-crunk at yo' crib (can you say, "caucasian?") The atmosphere is chill and relaxed and the clientele is much the same. The highlight of this place is the bathroom which I've commented on before, but I cannot stress enough how much it rules. If I'm out on a tear anywhere near Night & Day Cafe and the need to take a wicked scooby hits my lower intestine I'll split and head there because the bathrooms are so nice (and squat toilets are a tool of the devil.) I actually feel bad using the facilities at Night & Day sometimes, it's like I'm defiling some work of art.
Unique Peoples: The only thing unique about this place is that all the patrons suffer from a unique form of retardation that actually compels them to go this crap hole. It's expensive, boring and the girls dancing on poles aren't going to fuck you no matter how nice a laowai you think you are.
I can't emphasize enough how disgusted I am with you white honkies that prey on and exploit Chinese women or any women for that matter. A pox on you! But if you are that type of guy I have but one establishment for you:
L.A. Disco (pretty sweet segue huh?): This high end monstrosity is a sleazy slice of Shanghai. L.A. Disco (not located on Nanshan Lu) is chock full of dirty laowai with bad sexual intentions (might I recommend masturbation) and prostitutes looking for a john. This place is perfect for you(s) and it keeps you(s) out of the bars I'm at! Yay!! Besides all the Bacchanalian unpleasantness this bar...well...still sucks. First off you are going to drop a fat knot trying to get your swerve on at 35 kuai a twelve ounce (355ml) Bud Ice (ugh.) You'll blow half a weeks pay before you're drunk. Secondly, the music sucks as do the DJs. Thirdly, the dance floor is not nearly bouncy enough to warrant dancing to the crappy music (bouncy floors are just fun) played. If my only two choices for a Friday evening are a night at L.A. Disco or being gored up the ass by an ibex I'll choose L.A. Disco but it would come down to the size horn.
Well that's about it for bars downtown that I've been to. Well I've been to more but I can't remember them. I'll have a new list up in a while. For all those visiting and all those living here I hope this list helps. If there are any places you'd like me to check out let me know.
Here is a picture of an ibex:
For me, Hangzhou is a lot like the bed Goldilocks slept in. Not too big (like Shanghai) and not too small (like any of the innumerable small villages throughout China...for example Wuzhen) There are a great deal of clubs and bars that stay open as long as you're drinking (last calls be damned!), and streetfood vendors abound with delicious finger foods that help soak up the excess alcohol your liver can't process. Anyone visiting this city, who enjoys the nightlife, will have no problem indulging their desires for dance, drink, and all the other saturnalias activities you enjoy that make you all filthy sinners. However, for those of us who live here, a little circumspection goes a long way in finding establishments worth visiting on a regular basis. Of the many clubs, bars, and pubs in Hangzhou there are few I would patronize on a regular basis so having said that I will give you my rundown and evaluation of the night spots worth visiting in this scenic city (also my evaluations of some places that just flat out suck.)
Nanshan Lu ("Lu" means road)
Nanshan Lu is to Hangzhou what Maoming Lu is to Shanghai. It is a trendy stretch of road that fringes the shores of West Lake in neon chic. There is no shortage of bars and clubs on this stretch of road and your options are seemingly endless (if you're a backpacker in Hangzhou for a few days.) If you've lived here for more than a week you will begin to realize that 90% of all the bars, lounges, discos, watering holes, taphouses, rum-mills, cantinas, saloons, speakeasies, taverns, and groggeries are all more or less the same: a writhing stew of rhythmically challanged, unattractive, horny, white males looking for petite, comely Chinese girls looking to bag themselves a sugar daddy. It's life unscripted (TLC please don't sue) with bad house music providing the soundtrack. Initially, I observed this social milieu with the same interest an ornithologist might bestow upon the discovery of a new sub-species of puffin, but this sociological curiosity soon gave way to wanton disgust. When I go out I want to relax, not bear witness to a bunch of over-weight, goateed, Land's End wearing crackers and greasy Euro-trash as they gyrate and slobber all over the daughter's of the Middle Kingdom. So what I'm trying to say is that I don't go to a lot of clubs on Nanshan Lu.
The List (not yet complete, actually far from complete):
Absolute House: Absolute shit.
Aerospace: Aerospace is a lot like Todd Oldham. Todd Oldham was once a well-respected, internationally renowned fashion designer. Now he hocks an uninspired line of pastel hampers and place settings at Target.
House Bar: Located on a side street of Nanshan Lu. House Bar offers reasonably priced drinks that are in all honesty poorly concocted (my gin and tonics have never shown a sign of carbonation or a lime but for around 15 kuai who cares?). Decked out in an eye pleasing black and red color scheme House Bar's first floor caters to deaf patrons, or at least I think they do because they play their shitty dance music and a tympanum rupturing volume. I suggest sitting upstairs where the music is not quite as loud. It's worth a look.
Kana's Pub (recommended): Hands down the best nightspot on Nanshan Lu. Kana's Pub offers excellent drinks (the best shots in town) at reasonable prices. The attentive wait staff is always there to help and most of them speak English for those of you too lazy to learn Chinese. There is a live band that gets your toes a tapping before the DJs come on and play a wide range of rap, R&B, hip hop and funk that keeps you dancing all night. I love the Jackson Five and early Michael Jackson and this is the only place I've heard it played. The atmosphere and decor is warm and relaxing as is the pub's owner, Kana. Kana is a wonderful man who welcomes you into his establishment and makes you feel at home. In return he asks only one thing from his patrons and that is to have fun. Of all the places I've been on Nanshan Lu, Kana's is the place I feel most comfortable. Leave the pretentious egos at the door and just chill. Check out my archives for more on Kana's Pub.
Night & Day Cafe: This place is more for the older crowd. Late thirties and above. Their salsa nights are fun as is the live music. Their drink prices are kind of steep but you can keep the price down with a little pre-crunk at yo' crib (can you say, "caucasian?") The atmosphere is chill and relaxed and the clientele is much the same. The highlight of this place is the bathroom which I've commented on before, but I cannot stress enough how much it rules. If I'm out on a tear anywhere near Night & Day Cafe and the need to take a wicked scooby hits my lower intestine I'll split and head there because the bathrooms are so nice (and squat toilets are a tool of the devil.) I actually feel bad using the facilities at Night & Day sometimes, it's like I'm defiling some work of art.
Unique Peoples: The only thing unique about this place is that all the patrons suffer from a unique form of retardation that actually compels them to go this crap hole. It's expensive, boring and the girls dancing on poles aren't going to fuck you no matter how nice a laowai you think you are.
I can't emphasize enough how disgusted I am with you white honkies that prey on and exploit Chinese women or any women for that matter. A pox on you! But if you are that type of guy I have but one establishment for you:
L.A. Disco (pretty sweet segue huh?): This high end monstrosity is a sleazy slice of Shanghai. L.A. Disco (not located on Nanshan Lu) is chock full of dirty laowai with bad sexual intentions (might I recommend masturbation) and prostitutes looking for a john. This place is perfect for you(s) and it keeps you(s) out of the bars I'm at! Yay!! Besides all the Bacchanalian unpleasantness this bar...well...still sucks. First off you are going to drop a fat knot trying to get your swerve on at 35 kuai a twelve ounce (355ml) Bud Ice (ugh.) You'll blow half a weeks pay before you're drunk. Secondly, the music sucks as do the DJs. Thirdly, the dance floor is not nearly bouncy enough to warrant dancing to the crappy music (bouncy floors are just fun) played. If my only two choices for a Friday evening are a night at L.A. Disco or being gored up the ass by an ibex I'll choose L.A. Disco but it would come down to the size horn.
Well that's about it for bars downtown that I've been to. Well I've been to more but I can't remember them. I'll have a new list up in a while. For all those visiting and all those living here I hope this list helps. If there are any places you'd like me to check out let me know.
Here is a picture of an ibex:
