So where to begin…apologies first and foremost, I’ve been indeed away and I’m sorry I haven’t updated in a while. But I got good reasons (and none of them have to do with how pathetic I am). My sister’s wedding was in late August so I had to return home to America. Due to my lackadasical planning I had to spend the night in San Francisco which wasn't a bad thing. San Francisco is a beautiful city and the weather was awesome but I couldn't help but feel that everyone was judging me. The wedding was wonderful and my nephew is off the hook cute. I met a girl named Lynn from Washington D.C. who was into getting a job in the H.Z.. Me being the altruistic guy I am let her stay with me till she found a place of her own and that took three weeks. And my computer was in the room she was in. I was on the couch. I usually update very late at night when I feel the most creative but since she was sleeping in the room I needed I was unable to post (meanwhile, she started a blog of her own...it's no Sinobling...but for a girl...you know...it's cute). But she's super cool and a lot of fun to hang out with so ill will towards her I do not have. She got a job teaching and she’s got a nice place so everything worked out. Did I axe for head in return? No, I was a complete gentleman. So don't go there John Pasden!!

Since this site focuses on the academic, or more accurately, facilitating the acquisition of the spoken English language to those not privileged enough to have learned English as their pure, first language, let me start by saying that the school semester here at ZUCC is in full swing and has all the organization of a monkey shit fight (a hackneyed but applicable analogy). Jumping Jesus on a saltine pogo stick this fuckin’ semester couldn’t have gone more awry. Is every University in China this fucked up or is it just mine? Seriously leave comments. I need to hear I’m not alone on this one. I could load month old block of Velveeta (which is just as good as a brand new block of Velveeta) into the barrel of a 16^th Century Spanish Cannon and blast it at a skeletal outline of what someone with a head injury might think was a good schematic for an English program and get better results than what I got from my school. 52 Kids to a single classroom!? I see no problem with that! If you give me some industrial strength duct tape I can seal at least six more kids to the ceiling.

To clear my hizzy (head) I went on vacation with the other foreign teachers and had a blast. We hit the south end of our province (Zhejiang) and saw the lovely town of Li Shui and the county that contains the Yandang mountain range (near Wenzhou). Utterly beautiful it was, though the littering left something to be desired. Whilst rock hopping up a dry mountain river bed I came upon the outdoor “sexcapade trifecta” which consists of the condom wrapper, the jizz rag and the maxi pad wrapper all in one stop. I was going to get a picture of it but I was to busy speaking out loud, “Good God is that a ji….Oh God it is a Jizz rag!”

So I’m sorry I didn't get a picture of that. But I did get a picture of a giant stone dick!! Those of you who don't live in China might think that's something special but anyone who's lived here a while knows you can't step ten feet in any tourist attraction in China without seeing a giant stone pecker. I've get quite a collection of carved cock photos. Sorry, I'm American. When I see a big stone willy I pull out the camera and have a friend snap a picture of me trying to suck it. Or I curl up in a ball at the base of it and pretend to be a testicle. My question is: Where are all the stone cooters? China's got limestone.

While I’m talking about the National Day Holiday Week I might as well bring up a bone of contention I have with a little capitalist practice known as “Price Gouging.” Price gouging is the unethical practice of overcharging for services in times when people don't have a competitive option. For example, in my home state of Florida, bags of ice (usually about a buck a sack) were going for 8 to 12 dollars a bag immediately after Hurricane Charley hit us. In America it's illegal to price gouge for any reason, especially during states of emergency, not to mention completely inappropriate and not nice. Some poor family has to shell out thousands to remove the oak tree that fell through their roof into their living room now has to spend 40 bucks on D cell batteries to power their NOAA radio so they can hear Hurricane Frnaces is just one week away from douching the fuck out them. Dirty pool I say.

In China however, it's smart business. A billion people have the week off! Jack those hotel rates up!! They got to stay somewhere!! RMB 300 for a cum-splattered, concrete twin bed as wide as an anorexic's waist. I can see no problems with that, and you know what else? Let's make the deposit more than the room!! That's what happened in Yangdang Shan. The only thing this hotel had going for it was its location. Everything else sucked about it. I got no problem paying 280 for a hotel room during the October "Golden Week" but demanding a deposit that's more than the room? That makes no sense. I should in theory be able to completely trash my room like The Strokes at a Hojo and then go into the hotel room next to mine and kick in their TV set. It was outrageous. Everywhere we went people were raising their prices for Golden Week. More like Golden Shower Week if you ask me.

I also went down to Pan'an, in the south of Zhejiang (about an hour from Yiwu which is famous for being a hub for crap). Pan'an is full of natural beauty and that's about it. I had to take a 30 minute taxi to a town called Hengdian (known for its movie village where a lot of those Ming dynasty soap operas are produced) just to find a bar. What I found interesting was I only saw three bars. Two of them were KTV so only one good bar. Yet that night when I was taking the main road out of the downtown district back to Pan'an I counted 17 "massage parlors" open for "business" in the stretch of 2 city blocks. 2 blocks, 17 "massage parlors," about 5 "masseuses" per massage parlor. That's approximately 85 handjobs at 100% occupancy. 170 if they industriously double fist. That much simultaneous throttling could prompt inaccurate readings from a local seismograph. It may seem inconsequential to those of you outside the field of geology but let me tell you erroneous seismograph readings reduce earthquake readiness. And that’s no joke.

I'm going to level with you guys, this is the 5th time I've wrote this and to say the least I'm disillusioned with blogger. I've been trying to post since late September to no avail. Also I can't upload pictures so me and my goat skull are unavailable for viewing. Sorry ladies. It's infuriating honestly because there has been a lot I have wanted to post. The preceeding I've tried to post five times and all it has done is erase my shit and slap my momma, AND NOBODY SLAPS MY FUCKIN' MOMMA!! I've heard a ton of stories about who's to blame, blogger or the Chinese government and I'll tell you right now who it is. It's blogger. Totally blogger. I could say it was something else but, quite frankly, I'm highly allergic to 5.56 mm high velocity rounds. Even low velocity I'm not too palatable with. I blame blogger because blogger won't shoot me. I got more coming (posts that is). If you get this they'll be more. I promise. Don't think I don't feel bad because I do.