End of the Monologues
I was unhappy to receive this e-mail from Hank of The Laowai Monologues today. He didn’t mind me sharing it so that his anonymous readers might know what happened. All of his blog entries will soon be offline for good.
Today, ends my blogging here in China.
Without going into dramatics, or at least attempting not to, my blogging began to jeopardize my job, my marriage and my life. Let me give the final spill: it’s not eloquent, but I hope that many of you will stay in contact with me, and I want you–each one of you to know–that your support and comments through the last 2 and half years of my blogging career gave me moments of lucidity, sanity, and triumphs. Your emails brought me great satisfaction, great joy, and a real sense of connecting with humanity. Blogging was great for me; I never considered myself a real blogger; I mean, I never made daily blogs; I made lengthy missives which required I work and revise a great deal on them–some postings I thought humbly were quite good; others, in retrospect, made me cringe.
I am ending my blog because right now the internet is filled with moles, and in the People’s Republic of China, I feel that now and especially in the next few years leading to the Beijing 2008 Olympics, control and observation of websites will come under close scrutiny by the government internet police….
The bottom line: I do not want to risk losing my wife, my job, and be deported if push came to shove. Maybe that’s extreme; maybe I’m overreacting, but at this point, I don’t want to find out what exactly the consequences are, and its best to bow out now before I do jeopardize those things I have and love. This hits too close….
China is a lonely country for foreigners; the provinces even more so; isolation and scrutiny by the masses isn’t an easy thing to come to grips with. I definitely had my ups and downs, but one thing I know, as syrupy and mushy as it sounds, love is important: for your spouse or your students, and yourself and who you are, but never forsake those parts that make you human.
Please keep in touch!
The Laowai Monologues
March 9, 2005